i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have feelings that need drinking.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You've changed since you got that strap on
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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