WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
