she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
