Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Michael Bay diarrhea
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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