grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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