the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think people are normalizing furries
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
