Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
