i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
