So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
