I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
