i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
