I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
