i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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