Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
