The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
