She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
