who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
