I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
the raccoons are back...
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