i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
