I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
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