How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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