I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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