What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
