wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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