Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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