It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
