my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
