Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
