Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
