she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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