I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
