My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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