she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
