i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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