I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
