You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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