Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
