the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
