I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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