Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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