I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
