Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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