literally had 100 drinks last night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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