I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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