I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Boobs speak an international language.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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