had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
