he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I did not marry a roomba.
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