Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
