Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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