I'm going to jail i love you
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
