FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
