So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
