Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
