at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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