We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
