Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
