oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
