Soap is not a condiment
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
