Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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