and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
