Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
