sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
