so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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