Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
