so explain again why im purple
no
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize