So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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