I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
