I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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