I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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